All tagged fat positive

Goodbye. Adios. Vaarwel. Au Revoir.

This past year has been nothing but a rollercoaster. With moving back from Amsterdam late 2017 completely broken and broke— I had a lot of work to do to bounce back. I thought I would bounce back quickly. That getting out of the situation I was in would be enough to make me see that there’s more to life than relationships. Lawd was I wrong. I went back and forth. I tried new things. Forced relationships. Fed off of the high I got whenever someone loved me or gave me attention. Looking back now I realize I was desperate. Desperate for love and attention and interaction that was real. But grasping for it doesn’t make that happen. I grasped in the wrong places- and sometimes even doing it without realizing that I could probably be hurting the other people. And sometimes without realizing I was just hurting myself. I wanted the 10 minutes of good feelings and didn’t care what came after. This is all a part of being a love addict. I ride the high and crash afterwards.

Part 3: 21-30years// SO MANY THINGS OMG OMG

Okay so this is where shit gets hard. Because I obviously remember a lot of stuff during this age. A lot of shit happened. I started learning how to deal with my trauma. I realized OH I have anxiety...OH I'm clinically depressed. I got my Bachelors of Fine Arts. I moved across the country. I moved across the world. I had 4-ish major relationships. I loved a lot of people. A lot of people didn't love me back. I was sexually harassed and sexually abused. I made a lot of friends and also lost some of the best ones I've ever had. I worked a lot of jobs. I became temporarily disabled because of a knee injury. I gained a lot of weight. I dealt with a lot of brain stuff. I traveled the world. I published a book. I took nude photos of myself. I shaved my head multiple times.